Proverbs 31
V. 2-3 "Oh son of mine, what can you be thinking of? Child whom I bore. The son that I dedicated to God. Don't dissipate your virility on fortune- hunting women, promiscuous women that shipwreck leaders." (Message)
Proverbs 31 actually begins with a mother giving her son advice on life. Particularly women in verse three. As a mother, I too, have found myself in a similar precarious situation. I picked my son up from school one afternoon while he was still in Jr. High. He gets in the car and with a somber expression, he states that he needs to "tell me something." I assure him that he can tell me anything but he balks as we pick up his sister. "I'll tell you later!" he insists.
I, as any mother would, begin to fear the worst. What could have happened that day that he didn't feel conformtable talking about in front of Big Sis? Did he get in trouble? Did he get detention? Maybe he failed a test. Did he get in a fight? Did he get ISS? The school would have called if he had ISS. What if I missed the call? Oh the thoughts that a worried mom mind can conjure!
Finally about seven that night he summons me to my bedroom- for some reason this has always been our go to place for serious conversations in the Nicholson house. Instantly my curiosity is peaked, my anxiety begins to rise- this is important or I would not have been called to the bedroom. He sits down on the edge of the bed and I can tell he's nervous. I've already tried to prepare myself. He looks at me as says, "Mom, I need to talk to you..." In my most supportive motherly voice I respond, "Ok, son." I really wanted those two words to exude support- as much as two words possibly can. I had already decided that whatever it was, this serious thing he had to tell me, that with the Lord's help and the love of our family we could work through anything.
"There's this girl..." he began. And there it was- a girl! His nervous tip toeing around the house all night, my parental worry- was all about a girl! I breathe a sigh of relief- Girls...girls...I know girls! I'm a girl! I got this! But then dread sets in because I suddenly realize that it has begun...interest in the opposite sex. (Cue dramatic music)
And just like King Lemuel's mother- I begin to impart my maternal wisdom. The first question I asked...and have always asked since...when it comes to affairs of the opposite sex, is: Are they a Christian? And just like King Lemuel's mother- I begin to point out traits that he needs to steer clear of when looking for a girlfriend HOPING AND PRAYING he actually listens to his mama.
I find it ironic that this mother takes only two lines to point out what NOT to look for in a love interest but then takes more than half the book to reveal the qualities he SHOULD look for in a wife.
V.11-12, "The heart of her husband trusts in her [with secure confidence], and he will have no lack of gain. She comforts, encourages, and does him only good and not evil all the days of her life." (Amplified)
From our two previous blogs, we know that our "Virtuous Woman" was a lady of integrity. She realizes that the relationship between she and her spouse is more than just words recited before an officiant. She knows she has made a covenant and she takes her vows seriously. She made promises and her integrity requires that she keep them. You see, integrity is doing what you said you would do, even when the circumstances are no longer in your favor.
I'm not talking about abuse or adultery- that's for another blog. I'm talking about when the relationship goes from romantic to real. When Friday night was date night and now he falls asleep on the couch the minute he sits down. When he's working double shifts just to make rent and you can't spend like you used to. When the baby is sick, and you haven't slept all night, and he still has to go to work. Life is so daily! It's in the daily when our integrity as a wife is tested. It's in the monotony of the daily grind when the enemy whispers in your ear. He sees you are weary. He sees the fact that you haven't watched anything but Paw Patrol for days. He sees you checking out your friends Facebook pages and longing for those trips the beach. He knows you haven't had a decent conversation with your spouse in weeks- something beyond bills and children. He knows you feel disconnected and unappreciated. He knows it feels hard to be desired when you've worn the same shirt for two days...and possibly slept in it. This is the time that the enemy waits for to sow seeds of doubt, resentment, frustration, and even division.
And if the enemy can attack a wife this way- don't think he doesn't attack the husband the same. He whispers the same distracting thoughts to husbands that he whispers to wives. "...she comforts, encourages, and does him only good..." If the word says she comforted him- that meant he must have felt distress. If the word says she encouraged him- that meant he felt discouraged. The scripture also says, "The heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain." That means he has no regrets. She has never made him regret the decision to be with her.
King Lemuel's mother was trying to teach her son to choose a wife wisely- a woman with integrity because women of integrity have staying power. They know how to buckle down and seek God's face when the road gets rocky. They know how to bumbard the gates of Heaven on behalf of their families and rush the gates of hell if need be. Part of being a "Virtuous Woman" is recognizing that you are called to be a help mate-that literally means 'a help suitable for him.' That means doing him good when you feel compelled to be petty, and come on ladies, no one does petty like a chick! It means maintaining the promises you made in your vows even when you least feel like it. That is one of the attributes that makes this woman a "Virtuous" woman and one of the points that King Lemuel's mother is trying to convey to her son- Choose wisely-choose a woman of integrity. Choose someone who will compliment and complete you. Relationships become burdensome when those involved are unequally yoked or when motives do not line up with God's word.
As a mother of both of girl and a boy, I have the responsibility to not only tell but show my daughter what a Godly woman is and what a Godly wife is- but I also have to teach my son what to look for when choosing a mate. And as a Christian parent I have to ask myself, "Do I have the same attributes that I want my children to seek in someone they plan to spend their life with? Would I want my son to be with someone like me? Would I want my daughter to be the same kind of wife that I am? Have I shown them with with my life what a true help mate is? Am I a woman of integrity?
Some of you have read this and said, I'm not even married! I'm not even entertaining those notions. And that's fine- but integrity and the ability to stay constant are attributes that scream "Virtuous Woman" regardless if you have a ring or not. The ability to stay true to your word even when it doesn't appear to work in your favor is a Godly attribute. It will be your integrity that pulls you through the press (Philippians 3:12) and it will be your integrity that will be your most valuable attribute. (Proverbs 31:10)
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